Name John
Gender Male
Age Twenties; he refuses to give his actual age and threatens maiming for those who know to leak it!
Introduced In "Insert Heroic Mime Here"

John is an agent of the Anti-Cliché and Mary-Sue Elimination Society.


John is mute, and therefore communicates via cue card or keypad.


"What, I can't try to look nice? - John, through cue card.

John stands tall at 6'4", although he is very sensitive about how tall he is. He has a dark gray trench coat that he loves very much, although he continues to not really tell anyone why. The rest of his wardrobe is variable, although he tends to lean towards a casual green T-shirt and jeans while he's lounging around in the Library, and business casual on missions. He likes to look nice when he's punching someone in the face.


"..." - John

John is a self-professed 'Lazy Bastard'. He knows it, he just doesn't really care enough to fix it. One of his greatest weaknesses is his lack of any real drive, often putting things off as long as he possibly can. Interestingly enough, however, he tends to really put his heart into physical labor. Mental work, however, will never get done. Ever. At any time.

He prides himself on maintaining a dry wit, using an iPad for communication around the library. When he's out on the field, he has a few boxes of cue cards that have everything he might need to say pre-written on them. Over 80% of the cards are various insults.


"I was born on top of a cliff under a lunar eclipse and given a mark showing that I was destined for greatness...nah, just foolin'."

John was born one November to a loving couple. Doctors noticed the moment he was born that while he was trying to make noise, next to nothing was being produced. It was discovered that the boy was born mute, although they couldn't figure out why, attributing it to Conversion Disorder when he grew older. He was raised in his hometown of Biloxi, and still lives there today. He's an aspiring writer, or so he tells his parents. In reality, although he does enjoy writing, he still hasn't really decided on what he wants to do with his life.

It's not really known why he decided to submit an application to the Society, because he's not talking about it. He almost managed to fail the test for new applicants, because he tried writing in a fake name as a joke. The only thing that saved him was quick thinking and an ungodly amount of White Out, and even then only barely.

John's first mission was to the Bastion fandom, where he managed to apprehend the loud-mouthed Fabian de Smytheford.

His next major trip was to the Sea Monsters documentary, which he enjoyed immensely because of the sheer abundance of prehistoric fish and the ease of fishing from their eighty-foot yacht. Gareth was his partner-in-crime for a brilliant idea; the mischievous pair mostly ignored the stake-out for the Sue and focused instead on capturing the Library's newest pet...Fish Finger the Liopleurodon.

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John lacks any real combat training, other than knowledge of how to use a rifle, which he claims "anyone who's lived in the deep south can do." He doesn't like the feel of a rifle, though, so he's still looking for his particular niche. He's fallen in love with a .44, which he's named Rosie, although he intends to use it as a sidearm.

His greatest strength by far is his talent for Parkour. He started taking lessons, and ended up loving the sport(?) so much that he still practices in his spare time. It's one of the few things he really gets into, and he can often be spotted trying to scale some of the taller bookcases.


  • He has a love - nearing a lust - for Dark Drum and Bass music, as evidenced by the Pendulum constantly blaring through his phone's speakers. The music the phone plays tends to change based on his mood at that given moment. It's not really known if he's the one changing it, or if his phone is just weird.
  • His theme is What If The Storm Ends? By Snow Patrol.
Agents of the ACMSES
Leaders HarrietMichaelTash
Department Heads AdrianCharisDaveValerie Shockley
Current Agents AimeeAkai MinamiAlice WoodAster SeleneAvakBenChloeClaire UpwardCristoph AsahinaCrystellia 'Chrys'DanielleDrake DragonsoulGarethInaraIngrid NunnJames 'Jamie' CoulthardJaredJessJoeJohnKarissaKyle GriswoldLily AdamsonLouiseMarcus PateMiriku WassonMizuhoMonikaOssaPeteRedRhiannon 'Rhia'RobertStacey/EzraStephenTheresa 'Terrie' BridgesTomTyler KahnWillie
Retired Agents BethBlakeCamilleDouglas KreigDoyleEmmaKateLaurenRiaSumire
Non-Agents Emily SmithPhoenixia