Name Jessica
Gender Female
Age 21
Introduced In "Insert Sparkling Shipmates Here"

Jess is an agent of the Anti-Cliché and Mary-Sue Elimination Society .



Jess can be quite the enigma, as you rarely see her looking the same twice. Naturally she has very curly/frizzy brown hair that likes to be long, but in recent years it has been many colours, lengths and styles - most often purple. For the moment, it is actually dark red, short and straightened with a side fringe. If she's seen not wearing eyeliner, she can be officially proclaimed dead. People have often been known to comment that her chest enters the room several minutes before her, though of course that's not quite true (most of the time). She recently tends to wear a corset roughly 80% of the time, usually teamed with skinny jeans and high-heeled boots, with a short leather jacket if it gets cold. A black Harley Davidson cap decorated with a silver skull is often seen on her head. From the fact that she guards it like a demon and also as it's far too big for her, it can be assumed that it is a souvenir from one of her heavy-metal-conquests, possibly even from Real Life. She has three piercings in each ear and a bar in her right nipple, plus one in her left eyebrow. She also has three tattoos.

She is very rarely seen without her giant purple leather handbag (as you might have guessed, Jess is a fan of purple). This handbag has similar properties to the carpet bag belonging to Mary Poppins, and contains everything from bars of Galaxy, bags of Skittles and bottles of Lucozade to flamethrowers, pillowcases and wax crayons. Recently a large, white inflatable sofa plus hand-pump were successfully extracted from the handbag, to the shock of many onlookers. One pocket has been designated the 'Personal Pharmacy' which can fulfil any pharmaceutical need (there's Nurofen, condoms, Lamotrigine, lollipops... you name it, it's in there). It has been noted, however, to proceed with caution near this handbag, as you can find more than just mouldy sugared almonds lurking in the bottom of it...


Jess is very sociable and will have a natter with anyone she runs into, though she can count the people she truly trusts on one hand. If you happen to catch her in the depths of one of her bipolar episodes you're likely to end up either stuck with pins or on a spur of the moment trip to another body modification studio. When in the 'high' cycle, she likes to flirt - a lot - though mostly this is just to freak out whoever she's flirting with and corrupt the innocent (feel sorry for poor Avak).

Since a trip to the X Files fandom, Jess has been attempting to tame Leonard, a small, creepy monster presumed dead by canon characters. In fact, he stowed away in Jess's handbag and wound up in the Library. After getting over her initial fear of him, Jess has decided she wants to make him into her sidekick. This may take some time, as Leonard's major instinct is still to rip holes in people with his teeth.

Fandom-wise, Jess doesn't like anime, manga, card games, or most video games - Aster's anime class would be her worst nightmare. She is a self-confessed whore of Harry Potter, Nightwish, Lord of the Rings, Torchwood, Doctor Who, The X Files, Star Trek and Pirates of the Caribbean.

When bored, Jess can often be found in a kitchen creating ever more disturbing concoctions. Her chilli stir-fry (aka 'orange mush') and pumpkin risotto (aka 'more orange mush') have been met with much approval, though she needs to start learning not to tip entire bottles of Tia Maria into tiramisu if she doesn't want to have to carry her dinner guests to bed after the meal.

Jess' room in the Library contains the Den of Sin, a cage that usually contains captured metal musicians. The less said about what goes on in there, the better. She claims to be 'straighter than a metre stick', though isn't averse to sharing her captured prey with Phoenixia when the occasion arises.


She's not sure how she got into this whole thing - nor is anybody else for that matter. It may have had something to do with anger at bad Twilight crossovers and a hatred of terrible spelling. It is yet to be known if she'll ever come in much use as she tends to spend most of her time misusing the Library as a den of sin to play with captured musicians, mostly from Nightwish though occasionally from other bands.

Weapons and Abilities[]

Body Piercing Needle[]

Jess's weapon of choice is a large body piercing needle that tends to scare most Mary Sues into submission at the thought of their beautifully clear skin being "disfigured". She is also a fan of using her broken hair straighteners (the ones that won't turn off unless you pull out the plug), especially on faces and ears. In case you can't tell, she has a violent streak when provoked, and is quite a fan of hand to hand combat, specialising in using her rather long legs to kick people in the face. However in more complex situations she prefers to use more unorthodox methods of coercion that cannot be revealed to the under-18's. There is usually a lot of vodka involved in her endeavours, and if there's none of that to hand she'll opt for Jacques cider.

Jess' Tattoo[]

The key to Jess' magic lies within the small tattoo of a pentagram at the bottom of her back. This pentagram represents earth, fire, wind and water united under the control of the spirit... though Jess isn't quite sure how to use it yet. Despite this she has successfully managed to use her magic in several combative incidents and is getting better at controlling it all the time. The tiny tattoo of an owl on her left upper thigh has yet to be revealed whether it has any magical abilities, or whether it's pure decoration: the same goes for the small treble clef tattooed on her right foot.


  • Jess is a massive metal fan and has been to many gigs, not to mention a large metal festival in Switzerland.
  • Her ability to make eye-catching banners and signs out of pillowcases and fabric paint is legendary.
  • Jess suffers from bipolar disorder, though it might be more accurate to say that it's her friends who do the suffering.
  • She taught herself to play the keyboard when she was twelve and considers learning Bohemian Rhapsody on the piano at fourteen one of her greatest achievements in life.
  • If you use her beloved expensive red wok without permission... run. Fast.
Agents of the ACMSES
Leaders HarrietMichaelTash
Department Heads AdrianCharisDaveValerie Shockley
Current Agents AimeeAkai MinamiAlice WoodAster SeleneAvakBenChloeClaire UpwardCristoph AsahinaCrystellia 'Chrys'DanielleDrake DragonsoulGarethInaraIngrid NunnJames 'Jamie' CoulthardJaredJessJoeJohnKarissaKyle GriswoldLily AdamsonLouiseMarcus PateMiriku WassonMizuhoMonikaOssaPeteRedRhiannon 'Rhia'RobertStacey/EzraStephenTheresa 'Terrie' BridgesTomTyler KahnWillie
Retired Agents BethBlakeCamilleDouglas KreigDoyleEmmaKateLaurenRiaSumire
Non-Agents Emily SmithPhoenixia